Posted on August 11, 2009 by Nancy Houser

"I think I am developing psychological issues!"

“When a doting person gets down on all fours and plays with the dog’s rubber mouse, it only confuses the puppy and gives him a sense of insecurity. He gets the impression that the world is unstable and wonders whether he is supposed to walk on his hind legs and smoke cigars.” ~ by Corey Ford

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Well, here it is….another Tuesday and as usual I have nothing to say. NOT!

It’s nice to be a dog, especially a dachshund dog who is slightly-above ground in location. We are fast and quick-witted, come in a wide variety of sizes and colors, are very entertaining and funny to be around, don’t need a lot of exercise (we just go out and get our own anyway), and are “excellent watchdogs” as long as you don’t mind the barking–barking–barking! And truth-be-known, a dog of my caliber wouldn’t get caught napping in the middle of K-Mart like the two old ladies did.

As you can tell, it’s been another eventful week with my two caretakers. Does that surprise anyone who keeps up on my blog? Anyway….

The two old ladies took Steve to K-Mart. Steve is the eldest brother who is disabled and in a wheelchair, but occasionally wants to go shopping. So off they all went to K-Mart to get some cat food and cat litter (ugh!). Just the thought makes me wanna puke….nobody has to buy litter for ME and the SMELL of that cat food! Regurgitated fish innards for sure! I’m one of the few dogs who do not find this a delicious mouthwatering meal! Gaagh……

HEADING TO THE PINK POWDER ROOM

The ladies (and as their personal dog, I say that rather loosely) had to toilet. This is a usual stop-over at every store in town, so off they went to the northwest corner of the huge store,  planning on meeting up later with the one-person wheelchair brigade in electronics. There was only one problem with this plan, the old ladies didn’t quite know where electronics department was in the store. No idea.

If they had thought, they just might have mentioned it to Steve before they quickly trotting off to the little pink powder room, laying bets with one another who was “not” going to make it. But obviously they had other pressing thoughts on their mind so off they went on a dead run at the last minute.

WHERE AM I?

When they came out of the restrooms and feeling much better, they looked around and were slightly disoriented. A normal situation for both of them in new surroundings. Not wanting anyone to know this little fact, they ho-hummed around and pretended to look at things…you know…shopping with no money sort of thing?

The couch at home had seen its last days two homes ago, and when they saw the black leather couch they both fell in love with it. Rubbing their hands over its smooth texture, they thought to themselves how easy it would be to care for — wiping off fur, vomit, stray bones, and carted off stolen tid-bits of table scraps. They both sat down with a sigh and leaned back….

When they woke up a short time later, they saw this wheelchair running back and forth two aisles away. Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth. In it was a little silver-haired gentlemen leaning forward and peering up and down the aisles as if he were lost. Every time he would learn forward to peer around the aisles, the cans of cat food would fall off his lap and go ever-so-slowly across the floor. Always juuuusst far enough from his fingertips to be about one-inch short of being able to pick it up. Thank goodness his arms were long and he can reach the floor once he would wheel over to it.

When the freshly awakened old ladies saw this, they quickly glanced at one another and took off toward the last aisle they had seen Steve, the silver-haired gentleman–working up a story upon which they would not appear too guilty. Nobody would ever believe they had taken a little cat nap in the middle of K-Mart!!

By the time they reached where he had been, he was already to the other end of the store. Every time the can of cat food would fall off his lap, he seemed to wheel a little faster to the next aisle. Faster and faster until one could hardly see the spokes of the wheelchair. Slightly red-faced, he appeared rather irritated.

In a jiffy time, the old ladies had reached the aisle where he was going back and forth on— back and forth — back and forth—he was already at the other end of the store. One of the old ladies gave a wolf-whistle that would bring a whole herd of goats running, while the other bellowed, “Steve … over here !”

When Steve turned around, for certain he had a slightly glazed look to the right eye with his overly long grey sparse hair sticking up on the other side. A little bit of frustrated drool was hanging on the corner of his bottom lip and the old ladies knew they were in for trouble unless they thought up a good story.and rather quickly.

“Steve! Why didn’t you tell us where the electronics department was! We’ve been running up and down these aisles looking for you! We haven’t even been to the toilet yet!”

Let’s just put it this way…it was a LONG ways back to his apartment. Rather quiet in a stiff … ummm …. formal sort of way. Know what I mean?

As I said, I am glad I am a dog…and my life is peaceful…sigh.

Related posts:

• Holly’s Neighborhood: “Across the bean field she goes…..!”
• Holly’s Neighborhood: “Bad to the Bone”
• Holly’s Neighborhood: “Who is the Puppy Nanny around here anyway?”
• Holly’s Neighborhood: “Asleep at the food dish…”
• Holly’s Neighborhood Corner-March 21st