Posted on September 14, 2009 by: WayCoolDogs

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We forward funny things onto our friends to make them laugh. But with so many of us Baby Boomers anymore, getting some old jokes seem to hit pretty close to home. Here are a few to pass onto you buddies…especially the old farts.

• You feed your dog expensive Science Diet instead of cheap McDonald’s leftovers from the night before.

• You invite  family members over for supper, instead of inviting yourself over to their house as you have no food.

• Your houseplants are alive, and you cannot smoke any of them.

• Having sex in a twin bed is more than out of the question.

• You clean the cat box yourself instead of waiting for mom to come over.

• You keep more food than beer in the fridge at all times.

• 6:00 am is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

• You hear your favorite song in the elevator and are the only one to recognize it.

• You watch the weather channel faithfully.

• Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt, especially when sharing it with numerous household pets who hog it all.

• Your friends marry and divorce, instead of “hooking up” and “breaking up”.

• You go from 130 days of vacation time alone to only 14 days with all of your pets.

• You REALLY look forward to taking naps more than the old dog!

• Jeans and sweater no longer qualify as “being dressed up.”

• You’re the only one calling the police because the kids next door won’t turn down their stereo.

• Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

• Dinner and a movie is the whole date, instead of just the beginning of one.

• Eating an extra large basket of chicken wings at 3 am would severely upset your stomach for days,  instead of settling it down until the next party.

• You go to the drug store for Ibuprofen and Antacid, instead of condoms and pregnancy tests.

• A $4.00 bottle of cheap wine is no longer “pretty good shit.”

• You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time and supper at supper time.

• The phrase “I just cannot drink the way I used to” replaces the “I’m never going to drink that much again.”

• You join causes instead of being the cause everyone reports or joins against.

• Over 90% of the time you spend in front of the computer is now for real work.

• When you find your best friend is pregnant you now congratulate her, instead of saying, “Oh shit…what the hell happened?”

• You do not know what time Taco Bell or any other fast food establishment closes anymore.

• Your car insurance goes up, your car payments go down, and you go to neutral.

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