Posted on January 20, 2010 by: WayCoolDogs

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December 8 – 6:00 PM
It started to snow. The first snow of the season, my friend and I took our cocktails and sat for hours with our herd of dogs by the window, watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. We  love snow and winter!

December 9
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving to Nebraska was the best idea we’ve ever had!

Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a kid again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks, cleaned up the dog-dodoo in the back yard and pens. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel all over again. Boy, do I feel great!

Snow too deep in the back yard now and more snow coming, so had to start letting the dogs out in the front yard to do their duty. What a perfect life and beautiful weather!

December 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry- we’ll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful!

The neighbor also says we’ll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I’ll never want to see snow again. I don’t think that’s possible. They are such people, I’m glad they’re our neighbors.

December 14
Snow, lovely snow! Eight-inches last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away and we lost our power for about six hours, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks, and dog-dodoo for four large dogs. This is the life!

The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn’t realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I’ll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn’t huff and puff so much. Beginning to sound like an old person.

December 15
Twenty-inch snow forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4×4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the cars and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer and bought 200 pounds of dog food.

My friend wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out but fat chance that will happen. I think that’s silly and besides, they are all sold out. And besides … we aren’t in Alaska. We’ll get by.

December 16
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurts like hell. The “friend” laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel and mean-hearted! The dogs laughed also. Meanwhile I couldn’t bend over to pick-up the dog’s poop or finish the driveway of snow which made them laugh even harder. Told everyone I would get it tomorrow as the snowplow went by.

December 17
Still way below freezing and wind chill is -40 degrees. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off again for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on in order to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at everyone and try not to irritate them. Guess I should’ve bought a wood stove, but won’t admit it to her. God, I hate it when she’s right. I can’t believe I’m freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20
Thank goodness the electricity is back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn snow come down last night. More shoveling and picking up dog shit! Took all day.

The damn snowplow came by twice and filled our driveway and sidewalk each time. Tried to find a neighbor kid to help shovel, but they said they’re too busy playing hockey. Wonder if I can train the dogs to help shovel?  Personally, I think the kids are lying.

Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they’re out. Figures. Might have another shipment in March. I think they’re lying.

The neighbor says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and then bill me. I think he’s lying too.

December 22
Val was right about a white Christmas. Thirteen-inches of the white shit fell today and it’s so cold, it probably won’t melt till next August. Took me 45-minutes to get all dressed to go out to shovel — and then I had to go to the bathroom.

By the time I got undressed, went to the bathroom and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel snow and pick up dog shit — in the house — because I didn’t get the four dogs outside in time.

Tried to hire the neighbors, who have a plow on their tractor,  for the rest of the winter but he says he’s too busy. I think the asshole is lying.

December 23
Only 2-inches of snow fell today. And it warmed up to. The friend wanted me to help decorate the front of the house this morning for Christmas. What is she, damn nuts?!!?  Why didn’t she tell me to do that a month ago?

She says she did, but I think she’s lying.

December 24
Six inches of snow fall last night and was packed so hard by the city’s snowplow, I broke my snow shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch who drives that snowplow, I’ll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel handle.

I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling. Then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I’ve just spent the entire day.  Tonight the friend wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open the presents, but I was too busy watching for that damn snowplow behind the living room curtains.  The dogs are helping me watch, too.

December 25
Merry f—ing Christmas!!!  Twenty more inches of the damn slop tonight. Completely snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel.

The friend says I have a bad attitude. I think she’s a fricking idiot. If I have to watch “It’s A Wonderful Life” one more time, I’m going to stuff her into the microwave, butt first.

December 26
Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She’s really getting on my nerves. So far, the dogs are not.

December 27
Temperature dropped to -30 with a wind chill of -52 degrees. The pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes. I am sure he padded the bill.

December 28
Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. My FRIEND is driving me totally insane!!! So are the dogs!!

December 29
Ten-more inches. Neighbors says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That’s the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30
Roof caved in. I beat up the snowplow driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. My FRIEND and the dogs went home to her brother — thank goodness! Nine more inches of snow predicted. Oh…HURRAY!!@#!

December 31
I set fire to what’s left of the house. No more shoveling.

January 8
Feel so good and happy! I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed in a padded room the color of white snow?

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(Revised by WCD /submitted by Emily Smith of Laramie WY)

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